A Hard Question

After a morning of jump houses with a sweet friend and her daughter, my girls and I ran to the local sports store to grab some saucer sleds for the hill outside our house. To really get some speed, this particular hill requires the hard plastic disc-shaped sleds over the modern foam junk they sell at Costco these days. I mean, if it’s not at least going to make me think, “Oh shoot, maybe they’re not ready for that kind of speed?” Is it even worth doing? They’re definitely their father’s daughters! We made it through the store only buying the sleds and that was a miracle in itself. Little did I know that once we got back in the truck, my tiny 7 year old theological philosopher, Sheridan, would ask me a question that would rock my heart to the core.

She started off by asking, “Mom, can I ask you a hard question?”

I’m thinking it’ll be something on the topic of which food I like best or what’s my favorite animal? I mean, to me, those are hard decisions to make, haha!

So of course, I said, “Sure.”

She goes on to ask, “Mom, do you love God more than me and Odessa?”

I felt like she had just laid a trap for me. Not intentionally, but a trap nonetheless.

I answered truthfully, “Yes, I do love God more than you and your sister.” Knowing that this was going to cause them to be upset.

And of course I was right.

Odessa started off first, “Mommy don’t say that!”

Sheridan went on, “That means you hate us!”

The battle was on.

“Babies, when mom says that she loves God more than you, that does not mean that I hate you. It means that I love God so much and your daddy and you guys come right up behind Him. But I can’t love you more than God because if I did that, I will not be able to love you the way that I need to.”

How do you explain this to a child? It was so hard.

But what if I was to say the opposite?

Yes, I love you more than God.

It doesn’t matter that His Son, Jesus, died in my place so that I could have salvation. Or so that my children could have salvation.

It’s no big deal that He suffered and died a terrible and tortuous death for us to have true freedom from sin and the evilness of this world because He is still second best to you.

HIs victory from the grave because He walked a perfect life free from any temptation, means nothing to me, because I would rather please my children and lie to them to avoid the uncomfortable situation I was in.

I would not let that happen.

This caused me to really take a look at my life. Was I living the truth that I had just spoken out loud to my kids, in my actions? In the way I lived my life? There must’ve been something obvious to Sheridan for her to ask it, but was I doing it with my life or just my words?

Luke 14:26 in the New Living Translation says, “If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.”

This verse, when looked at in face value, sounds very harsh. I remember reading this in my good Catholic girl mind before I was truly born again, thinking, “Well, I thought I wasn’t supposed to hate anyone?”

It was not until my Pastor, opened up this scripture to me when I realized that “hate” in this verse means that you love God more than anything or anyone else in your life. One commentary from the The Passion Translation reads, “To ‘hate’ is an Aramaic and Hebraic metaphor for putting Jesus above every other relationship. In this case, Jesus, the King of love is not saying to hate but to put aside every other relationship into second place.”

Mamas, loving your kids less than Jesus is not only a mandate from Jesus Himself, but an essential principle for living the abundant life that Jesus promises. We are called to this not only because Jesus is so worthy of this kind of worship, but because it sets up an order in our life that allows God’s love to flow through us to all of our relationships.

I find it hard to put into the correct words, but essentially it means, that I cannot fully and abundantly love my husband, my children and everyone else in this world if I do not nourish, foster and go deeper in my relationship with Jesus above all else.

Jesus is constantly pursuing our hearts each and every moment of the day. Psalm 139;17-18, “Every single moment you are thinking of me! How precious and wonderful to consider that you cherish me constantly in your every thought! O God, your desires toward me are more than the grains of sand on every shore! When I awake each morning, you’re still with me.”

Wow, I can barely wrap my mind around that! God, the King of my heart, the Creator of everything, thinks of you and I constantly! So why, do we not at least keep Him in our lives, where He needs to be? He deserves it! But not only does He deserve it, He promises that if we give Him our life, we will discover more and more of true life (Luke 9:24 and Matthew 10:39)

I want that “true life.” I want to be trusted with more by God because He knows that I’m His girl who will lay down everything to follow Him. I must admit, that I’m not completely there, but I’m getting there.

What’s one thing you and I could do today set our relationships in the order God asks of us?

For me, it’s not hitting snooze on that alarm clock so that I can get up early and spend time with God. It’s making sure that I put my phone down more than I pick it up throughout the day so that I can notice what He’s put in front of me. It’s looking for ways that He’s speaking to me in the world around me.

Like myself at one time, you may think that putting God at the number one position in your life means that you have to serve at church more (I’m all for serving at church) but not when it’s at the detriment of your family and especially if it’s more about appearance or feeling good enough for God than doing it out of love. God wants His children to serve and minister to those around them out of love for Him and His people, not out of a heart that is doing it because they think they need to. Remember, we are already enough because Jesus paid the price for us and made us righteous because of His work on the cross.

God is a God of order, not chaos and confusion. If you’re feeling like there’s a lot of busyness and chaos in your life (I’ve totally been there!) maybe take a look at how you’re ordering the relationships in your life. God’s way is always best, He knows that it’s in our best interest, not just His.

Let me know if there are different things you do in your day-to-day life that allow you to keep your relationships in God’s order, I’d love to hear about them.

Oh and if you’re wondering how my girls are doing with that backseat revelation they received, they now understand it quite a bit better and have numerously told me that they loved me, but not as much as they love Jesus. Haha!